Insomniac with a computer
by Unfulfilled-dreams
Summary: Ever wonder what everyones favorite anti-hero does at night? I'll give a hint, it involves mild insanity and rants abut a certain chicken wuss. Drabble. Teen for swearing.


It's amazing what insomnia reduces you too. Normally I wouldn't be caught in such a compromising position.

But Seifer, you ask, what position is that? It's simple really. I'm sitting, lying rather, in my bed. Missing my pants, shirt, boxers, and any other article of clothing a normal person wears to sleep in. Did I mention I'm not sleeping?

Ever since the war, I can't sleep. Sleep brings dreams, and my subconscious has decided that those are something my psyche just cant take. So it forces me to sit in bed, naked, and wait for the porn to load.

You try and find something to do all night. I've already blown 4 hours on the internet talking to people that I have never meet in random chat rooms, I already looked everything up on youtube, read "my" webcomics, and made a song in garage band. That leaves one thing.

Porn.

You would be surprised how much time whacking off can take up. For some reason someone decided porn/hentai needed back-story. You just need to find the full movies, or series. You would be surprised how many times ONE GIRL can have sex in a day. I wish my school had been like that. Jesus, even the losers would be getting head.

If every high school were like the one in say… bible black, no one would ever need worry about being the only virgin. There isn't an ugly girl, or guy anywhere on campus. I mean, REALLY. Really, there is no place in the WORLD with people that good looking. Not even those ritzy fashion shows are filled with girls this good looking.

But really, why do I care about that? Why? Because I can't sleep and there is NOTHING to do when you can't sleep. Nothing but to write down all the shit that you think, and wonder why you have such shitty music on you laptop.

Oh, and why it is taking so long for this one twenty-four minute and forty-five second video is taking so long to load.

And then, just like that it is done loading. Yeah, just like any porno I am now bombarded with the sounds of little gasps.

Great. Lesbians.

Oh, they are sisters

Seem this is what I mean. Who decided these things needed a plot. No guy is going to question why two hot girls are making out in a closet, at a school naked they just want to see the….

Of fuck no. I just waited… like half an hour so it wouldn't have to buffer this damn smut… and it's buffering.

Somewhere out there the computer god hates me. I don't know what I did to piss it off, but it hates me.

Now what do I do?

I don't even have the anticipation of the porno to keep me from going out of my mind.

Have you ever been in a situation where you just can't sleep? Well it sucks. If I don't have something to do, I just go crazy. It's like catatonic schizophrenia. You just sit there and do NOTHING.

You can't take in music. You don't take in movement/ your just as lifeless as your computer.

Which just finished buffering.

Which leads me back to the point that, though useful for passing time, Plot in Porn is just dumb. Who watches it for that? Ill tell you what I do. I listen to the shit they say, half assed, and wait, hand on shaft just waiting for my next chance the fap away.

I have two hours before I have to be up for work….

I'm a teacher now. I teach at Balamb. Same place I graduated from.

In two hours, I still wont have slept.

In two hours I won't have slept and Ill have to teach.

I'll be thinking, "two hours ago I was masturbating to girls your age having sex in a class room"

It's so creepy I can't really handle it.

I just waited a stupid long time for this video to load and now I cant watch it because of that thought.

Awesome.

Only it isn't.

That isn't awesome at all.

This sucks.

What do I do now?

I can't drink; I have to go to work in two hours. I can't whack off to teenagers, because I have to go to work in two hours. I can't watch a movie; I have to go to work in two hours.

Damn work.

Isn't there some sort of law against allowing a traitor to teach at a school? I mean, pedophiles can't get certain jobs; traitors shouldn't be able to get certain jobs too.

Like ones that start at 6 in the morning.

Technically the students don't get there until 7:30, But teachers have to go and do… shit. Really, I don't use it. I make up lessons day of. But then, I'm not in Academia. I'm sure the math, and English, and geography teachers use their time. But not me.

I just realized, I'm not jacking off. There is something wrong with this.

I started, I didn't finish. There is something wrong.

Alright, I found it again.

And I would like to let you know that I lied.

There was an ugly guy. Ewwww. He is really ugly. Like, gag me with a spoon ugly. I don't think I can describe his adequately. He is like the hunch back of Notre Damn, mixed with this one guy that Selphie dated a while back. All bones, with a rib cage that looked like it was going to explode out of his chest. Damn he was nasty. Damn this guy in the hentai is nastier.

But, in my defense, I also said that the losers would get head. You don't get anymore loser than that. I mean, Zell isn't even that bad, so there is some indication. The sun is coming up. I can hear birds chirping.

I hate birds.

Hence why I liken Zell to a chicken. Chicken equals bird. I dislike birds. I dislike Zell. How can anyone like him? I mean really? He is so… just irritating. I don't think I have ever met anyone as dumb, loud, obnoxious, bumbling, or worthless as him. He is defiantly the textbook definition of shallow end of gene pool. In fact, He is the reason that social Darwin should NEVER have faded.

Worthless excuse of a person.

He's literally a waste of space.

You know, I firmly believe he wakes up in the morning, has forty cups of coffee, smokes crack, and then has forty more cups, JUST SO HE CAN ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE HE MEETS.

But I digress.

The whole point of this is that I can't sleep. And I really want to sleep. But I can't due to the fact that my subconscious hates me, and believes I can't deal with the things I've done.

I totally can.

I know it.

Alright, I can't I can't really deal with the fact that I betrayed my only friends, and tried to help destroy the world. But technically that wasn't my fault. I was tricked, and there was nothing I could do.

Why is it that the book of spells only has things to make people horny?

This is why porn should not have a plot. I understand that it is to make the fact that the lesbian is randomly having sex with a man make sense, but I mean…. Really?

At least there is none of that Fetish shit in this. That damned chicken wuss pulled up that "two girls one cup" video once. That is the Shittiest (no pun intended) thing I have ever seen. Who ever decided that fetish was a good thing? It was rhetorical. I know who. Those damn fetish people. Fuck, who likes girls eating shit anyway? Another rhetoric.

There, I guess that is my evidence as to why Zell is a douche bag.

I'm at that stage where nothing makes sense. My thoughts are as unorganized as an ADHD kid on speed, acid, crack, and cocaine.

Have I mentioned that I haven't slept in more than a week?

I haven't.

It sucks.

I need to; I really, really need to.

Do you have any idea how weird one gets when they need to sleep? Well, I get fucking weird. Hysterical laughter, screeches of "ra-ra-ra-ra" to express frustration and anger. It's just weird. I can't even explain the extent of it. Unless you see one of my freak-outs it doesn't work.

Squall called me into his office once because of it. Said I was scaring the students.

I think he was just worried I was plotting world domination again. But like I said before, I was only a henchman. A crony. A dispensable piece of shit that no one really cared about.

Sort of like the whining side character in the series. Dear god she is so whiny. How does someone so whiny have friends?

What if I'm that whiny?

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shitty. Shit, shit.

What if I AM that whiny?

Sure I don't fall my love interest around breathing his name like a stalker. And I don't gasp a lot. Or groan, or moan…

I dated this girl once. Every time we had sex she gasped and moan and screamed and snorted… all in a way that I guess she thought was sexy. To some, it may have been.

I did not find it sexy.

I found it annoying.

I wanted to strangle her.

I in the end was the one that said that I was "to tired for sex".

She told Zell. Chicken wuss called me gay.

"What kinda guy resists sex!?" (He has such an annoying voice)

The gay cowboy (he tries to deny it, but you just don't look like that and end up being straight) laughed his stupid-ass slow laugh and threw in some other crack about how "Ah Laaaaydee mowan' eis tha bbeest thaaang tha beedrowm heas ta owffer"

I said his name up there. In the whiny area. It's not a he. I am not gay.

Well, I'm not.

Have you ever sent a text out to everyone you know?

I did.

Just now.

It says "Hi"

I can initiate conversation, but some one else has to start it.

What that you say? But Seifer! They meant the same thing!

No they don't. Not in my dictionary. I say hi to you, you ask about the weather. That's how the start/initiate conversation goes.

Ever been to a wahoo?

They sell tacos.

Tacos made of fish, I don't like fish.

But I like Wahoos.

I'm really hungry. Its at moments like this, at 5:10 in the morning that I really would like to eat. The cafeteria doesn't open until 6 o'clock. Which is gay. Unlike me. I really hate work. I don't wish to go to work. I would rather watch a crappy movie. Like Zombie Strippers. Selphie told me to watch it. If it has stripers, it can't be half bad, right?

The sun it up.

Another night I didn't sleep.

Another day to add to my mounting sleep deprived weirdness.

The only thing I can hope for is my morning workout being able to keep me alive through the day.

And monsters, lots of monsters.

And annoying Zell.

Speaking of, Im going to go kick the little shit in the head.


End file.
